Principia Entropius Book Two >>The Principia EntroHocusPocus
Part six of 15
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 Griffian Beleif system:

  One Doctrine of Froot Loopism is based on portions of the Andy Griffith
show. Only the Black and White episodes are signfigant, because the colors
of black, white and grey are symbolic of lifes internal morality/struggle.
Each episode has specific moral values, that can be studied, and used to
inspire. It is our hope, that it is used, to indoctrinate future genetically
bred clone-warriors, into Cold-ruthless religous zealot killers who will
serve to protect our empire, or to merely give old ladys comfort at night,
with a growing understanding of basic human morality and charity.
 One might think, that St. Andy would be the most revered, this is not the
case. St. Floyd the Barber, is the most honored of all the Griffinian
demi-gods. For it is he, who was most sedate, and on the best medication
of all of them, surpassing even the wisdom of St. Otis the Drunk. St Floyd
with his drawn out words, and hidden meanings, revealed the cold ruthless
killer inside, and it is theorized that St.Floyd was one of the first
transylvanians, sent here to infiltrate earth. This is ofcourse utter
Bullcrap. You can read more about the exacting Dogmas and wisdom of the
Griffinian Beleif, in the lost manuscripts of "The Books of Mayberry".

      Griffinian Demi-Gods
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St. Floyd--god of better living through medication,
St. Otis the Drunk-god of bondage and alcohol induced hallucinations.
St. Goober--God of Guns and Cars, and sorry Cary Grant impersanations.
St. Barney--god of Internal Security and Street Crossing.
St. Aunt Bea--Goddess of Homemaking and worrying
St. Gomer--God of Marines and the Wisdom of Tao.
St. Andy--God of Matlockians
St. Opie--God of the unfaithful
St. Raif--God of Inbreeding and Unlawful production of Hallucinogens.
St. Ernest T.God of The "Vern Faith"

*note St. Barney, is not to be confused with the Evil and cretinous
Barney the lovable dinosaur, Grimaces evil brother.


   Excerpts from the Book of Mayberry:

2:9 Book of Otis: And Otis did ride his Sacred Cow down the streets of
Mayberry, claiming for all that it was the greatest horse money could buy.

 --Interpretation: The classic "Emperors Clothes" parable.

3:1 Book of Otis: I will have a snort, andy. stuttered Saint Otis...

   --Interpretation: could be meant in many different ways, the meanings
      differ wildly amongst sects of the Griffinian sub-faith.

2:7 Book of Floyd: Hey andy, I think you need a haircut, yeah, a haircut,
oooo, hows opie doing? ooooo I got to tell you, opie came in here, with
some freinds of his, and broke my barber pole, ooo that wasn't very nice,
andy...ooooo, what are we going to do?

        --Interpretation: some have indicated, this is the fall from grace
        for opie, and one reason his allowance is so low. It is widely
        beleived by griffinians, that Those who are unfaithful of the
        griffinian faith (but not those, who were never given an
        indoctrination into the faith), When they die, will live as
       children in mayberry, and wonder why there allowance is a third
       of what other boys and girls get, these people are under the
       guidance of The Fallen Saint Opie, Keeper of the Sacred Candle,
       and have a secret club, wich meets in barns.

1:1 Book of feif: nip it in the bud!

         ---Interpretation-classically beleived to mean to stop blashpemy
            before it started, and followers of St. Barney are very paranoid
            as a result. Others, especially of the Hashish faith, revere
            this in the growing of Hemp.

It is beleived that Those not indoctrinated into the faith of Griffinians,
Must spend eternal life in Mt. Pilot, taking jobs in local restaraunts and
shops, and serving those who live in Mayberry, eternal resting place of
placidity, for the faithful. Those who reject the faith, after being
indoctrinated, are sent away to the big city, wich is filled with peril
and must play with Jimmy Fleet and his band with a big beat as punishment.

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The Matlockians are a hybrid faith, who revere St. Andy as the patron
Of their Faith, and these people generally revere the old eccentric members
of their faith, as very wise and keen. It is a custom of their faith, to
tell a story for an entire hour, and then deliver the plot/moral as
something completely unrelated/unexpected. This is called the Holy
suspense, but thought of as quite boring by those not of the faith,
because every story, seems almost identical.

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It is beleived the Vern Faith, borrowed heavily from Saint Ernest T.
While the Verns, are Monotheistic, recognizing a slightly different
Ernest, and none of the other griffinian Saints; They are quite stupid
and gullible. They preface all prayers with the phrase "Hey Vern"
and instead of "Amen" say "Know whut Amean"... There religous Documents
are few, having mostly illiterate followers, they were forced to place
their holy relics on VHS available in Blockbuster Temples everywhere.


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(Honk if you Fnord)

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